I wanted to apologize first and foremost for how long it's been since i've posted. I think it's safe to say I didn't know just how difficult a semester I signed up for at the beginning of the semester. It's been wild with school, work, a very special lady, and everything in between. Anyway, there is something I wanted to share with you guys that I found to be very sobering, but very neat all the same!
Judas Iscariot. We all know him to be the man who betrayed Jesus by turning him over to the pharisees to be killed. I spent some time thinking about him and the events in his life that made him so famous, or well, infamous, and I think there is a lot to learn about him! Long story short with Judas: Scripture says that Judas got paid to turn Jesus over to the pharisees.
Judas gets paid 30 pieces of silver in exchange for turning in Jesus (Matthew 26:15). Well, at some point after Jesus is turned over, Judas is faced with his sin. He begins to feel terrible about himself to the point of going back to the pharisees and giving them back the silver (Matthew 27:4). Well, the pharisees decided to buy Judas a field with the 30 pieces of silver that he had returned. Scripture goes on to say that Judas hung himself out of remorse and historians say that the branch eventually broke leading to him falling and his entrails falling out of his stomach. (Acts 1:17) Judas was buried in the field that was purchased. Here is a real interesting short piece written about Judas and Christ. (http://www.biblecenter.de/bibel/widerspruch/e-wds23.php)
I then realized how i'm not too different from Judas myself.
The final nail in the coffin of Judas was not his betrayal of Jesus. Peter also betrayed Jesus by denying him three times, which Jesus told him he would do. So what's the difference?
Peter wept and mourned, as did Judas. The difference begins in what was done after the time of mourning and weeping. Once Peter heard that Jesus had come back from the dead, he ran to see him and rejoiced! He turned out to be the proverbial face of the apostles and other followers of Jesus when people opposed them. Judas on the other hand, was not able to overcome his own guilt and depression. He never repented, or turned away from his sin, but instead he remained remorseful to the point of killing himself. Here we are able to see a clear difference between repentance and remorse. And how often I find myself in remorse instead of repentance!
I think that I too often act out of a misunderstanding of repentance and grace. Upon sinning, I immediately turn to remorse. Apology, self pity, deprecation, all of it. A sea of guilt which only lasts as long as i'm able to remember my sin because once I forget, i'm able to move on. It has nothing to do with Jesus, because scripture says he has forgotten my sin. Put me in his time machine, sent me back in time, and now views me before my sin. My guilt stems from myself alone. My inability to meet a standard that I have set for myself, totally apart from Christ. God never demanded perfection. If he expected perfection from me, us, he would have had no reason to send his son to be hung on a cross. And here is where the difference between repentance and remorse comes into play.
Repentance, that doesn't look like feeling crappy for myself. Repentance looks like doing something different when I find myself in the same fork in the road. Never will I not have a choice and be forced to sin. It's always a split in the road and I choose which way I will go. Will I sit around feeling sorry for myself? Or will I come before the Lord, confess my sin, and take the higher ground next time i'm to make that desicion?Will I be a Judas? Or will I be a Peter?
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